What’s it all about?

Well hello there!  Come on in, make yourself comfortable.  Would you like a cup of tea?

Okay, now that that’s out of the way… 🙂

I am:

  • a mother
  • a daughter
  • a wife
  • a sister
  • a friend
  • intelligent
  • loving
  • generous
  • compassionate
  • silly
  • bipolar
  • fat

I’ve struggled with weight and self-esteem issues all of my life.  Put that on top of bipolar/manic-depression, and you have one hell of a messed-up woman.

But I’ve made a discovery in the last week or so, and it’s opened my eyes to so many things.  A lot of what I thought to be true turns out to be wrong – or, at best, only half-truth. 

And it’s made me realize a lot of things about myself, things that I kind of knew were there, but things that I didn’t think made a difference one way or the other.  But I’m starting to realize that I need to take control away from the “haters” (for lack of a better word) and firmly grasp it with both hands.

I need to stop putting my life on hold.  As Joy Nash says in her Fat Rant video: “No!  Now!  It’s all you’ve GOT!”  Like the characters in her video, I have repeatedly said to myself that I’ll “do ____________ when I’m thin.”

But the fact is, there isn’t a whole that that’s going to change about me even if I did manage to lose all the weight I’d like to.  The number on the scale would be different, and the size label on my clothes would… but that’s about it.  There’s no guarantee that I’d be healthier.  Hell, there’s no guarantee that people will like me better.  They’d simply have one less thing to pick on.  Maybe people would start picking on my curly hair, or my Polish nose, or…..

See what I mean?

Now I can’t say that learning all these things has suddenly made me love myself overnight.  I wish I could say that, but I can’t.  But it’s shown me the right path, which leads me to the right road.  But it’s a long and winding road.  I don’t doubt that I’m going to have set-backs and diversions on this road.  But I know it’s the right road to be on.

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