Fat Positive thoughts in the oddest places.

What do YOU see?

What do YOU see?

I just got on the desktop computer* and opened up a webpage, which is set to iGoogle under my username.  I have it set to “random themes” and I get a different one every day.  This is one part of what came up today.

At first, I just looked at the colors and thought “oooh!  I like that one!”  But then I looked at it a little closer.

I do believe that this is just supposed to be some abstract pattern, but when I looked at this one part that I’ve sectioned off for you to see, what do you think my brain saw?

A beautiful fat body, that’s what.

Now what’s so strange about that, you might ask?  Of course I’m going to tell you, that’s the whole point of this post!  🙂

You have to remember that I’m still fairly new to FA.  It hasn’t even been a year yet since I read my first FA post.  The change in me has been fairly slow, in terms of that <year.  However, when you consider the entirety of my life, it’s been fairly quick.  Especially when the changes in me go unnoticed until one day, it jumps up and slaps me in the face.  Like today.

I, like probably most fat people, internalized the fatphobia just as good as the next person.  Oh yeah, I didn’t just hate myself, I hated fat in general.  Of course there were always fat people that I saw and looked at and thought “wow… s/he’s fat AND beautiful” but I have to admit that it was very few and far between.  For the most part, the internalized fatphobia dominated my thinking.

Now I’ll admit that I’ve gone out of my way to try and change that thinking.  Not for anyone else, but for me.  I didn’t want to think that way about anyone, including myself.  But it was only today, when I saw that design on my iGoogle page, that I realized just how far I’ve come.

Never before finding FA would I have been able to actually think the words “beautiful fat body.”  I might not have reacted to a fat body with disdain or contempt, but those three words would have eluded me no matter what I did.  But today, I see that, and I am immediately overcome with an image of a beautiful fat woman, all roundness and curves and sensuality.

The whole thing.

The whole thing.

I realize that you might look at it and see nothing.  Or you might look at it and see a beautiful fat man instead of a woman.

But you know what?  I like the fact that I saw a beautiful fat woman.  I’m glad.  When I realized the change in my thinking, I smiled and got the warm fuzzies inside.


* – we have 3 computers here at home.  The desktop is commonly referred to as “Daddy’s” computer, the laptop is mine and mine alone, and the other computer is The Little Helper’s.  Lately, though, Daddy’s been spending a lot of time in the bedroom on my laptop, so I’ve been using “his” computer almost exclusively.


5 Responses

  1. It’s interesting – I’ve always thought other fat people were acceptable, but not me (before discovering FA, of course! Now I think I’m okay, too :)). Others who were fifty pounds heavier than me were beautiful the way they were, but I still had to lose twenty pounds. It’s great to be able to include myself in the “fine the way I am” category. 🙂

  2. Julia, I think for me it was a process that went like this: First, all fat was bad. Period. That lasted from about birth – my early 20’s. Then, I had the back-handed compliment-type of fatphobia: Oh, but she’s got such a pretty face! Oh, he’d be so HOT if he just lost weight. That kind of thinking. Then, OTHER fat people were okay, but *I* was disgusting. That lasted up to last year, when I found FA. When I first decided I wanted to be “part of the group,” I was still thinking that. But in the last year or so my thinking has gone so far to the other extreme it’s not even funny. I’m seeing beauty in everyone I see – and that includes myself.

    God, it is SO liberating! 🙂

  3. That was a very relate-able post, as I too am fairly new to Fat Acceptance.(size acceptance)
    Thanks for making me realize, as well, how far I’ve come in loving my body as well as accepting others in such a short period of time


  4. Yeah, I totally got a lot of the “but you’d have such a lovely shape if you lost weight” comments, nuckingfutz, so I hear you loud and clear.

    I’m realizing that I have an admiration for fat people who dress well, but disdain for those who dress like slobs. I don’t know if it’s classist or what. I grew up in a below-poverty household, but we always seemed well-dressed – not in fashion, but neat and clean – so it doesn’t make sense that I would look down on people for being poor – or looking like they’re poor. I’m not sure. Any help?

  5. […] Mysticgeek Blog: Create Your Own Simple iGoogle Gadget Saved by vi11age on Sat 20-12-2008 Fat Positive thoughts in the oddest places. Saved by narutoliangiemaster on Tue 16-12-2008 The Stone Vortex by Tad Bowman Saved by vrilleuse […]

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