Reason #153568736165687 why my husband is awesome.

(The man in question, on a bouncy castle with Number One Daughter.)

As I said in a previous post, we have been communicating a lot more. Some of it has been a change in him, but the change in me has increased that desire for communication tenfold. As an experiment today, I asked him to find me a picture of someone whom he thinks I look like.

Contrary to what you might think, this was not a roundabout way of putting him on the spot and trying to get him to tell me I look better than I am. It was a way to get it straight in my head what he sees when he looks at me.

Because I gotta tell you, from the language he’s used when he describes me to myself, I really got the impression that he saw something completely different to what I see when I look in the mirror. The only way I could think of to put myself in his position and see what he sees would be to find a picture of someone else that he thinks I resemble physically.

When I saw the picture, I didn’t know what to say. Because it was obvious at that point, that he wasn’t seeing something different to what I saw… he just had a different opinion about what he saw.

You know, it was easier to understand when I thought he was seeing me completely differently. But to know that he’s seeing the exact same thing that I’m seeing… and he likes what he sees? It’s just really hard to comprehend. Not that it’s a bad thing, mind you. I just find it hard to wrap my brain around (as I said to him after seeing the picture, my brain hurts now).

So we talked about why I have such body-image issues. And this man, bless him, knows me inside and out.

“I think your biggest problem with your own looks is your stomach,” he said to me. And you know what? He’s absolutely, 100% spot-on. That IS my biggest problem. Ever since having children (because I didn’t have a problem until becoming a mother), the shape of my stomach has horrified me. I can’t stand looking at it, so I can’t understand how anybody else could look at me and not want to throw up, either.

So what does he do? He doesn’t say how disgusting my stomach is. He doesn’t just brush aside my insecurities. Instead, he suggests I try using a collagen-based skin cream to see if it would tighten the skin on my saggy belly.

And then says to me:

“You don’t have to lose weight for me, because I think you look beautiful as you are. As a matter of fact, I think you would look strange if you were thin. You don’t have the build for it.”

You know, he’s the first person in my entire life to say that to me. But it’s something I’ve thought about myself for years. I’ve never been thin. I’ve been thinner, but I’ve never been thin. I think I would look weird if I were to suddenly lose enough weight to be considered thin. I’ve got my polish great-grandmother’s build: short and stocky. Big bones, wide shoulders, the whole nine. And honestly? If my stomach had never come out of childbirth being so saggy, I really don’t think I would have the body image issues that I have now. That’s not to say that I would be perfectly happy with the way I look, because I never have been. Yes, I’m making a LOT of progress lately, but I’m not 100% there yet. But if my stomach looked even vaguely like it was before children? I’d be a lot happier with the way I look than I am right now.

And I just think it’s awesome that this man not only loves me for the way I look right now, but understands what it is that bothers me about the way I look and why, and cares enough to make suggestions on how to remedy it. And not because it bothers him, but because it bothers me.

I really don’t know if it would do any good – the collagen-based skin cream, that is – but the fact that that’s what he thought of? Not plastic surgery, not fad diets, not exercising until I collapse in a heap? The man is made of win.

No wonder I love him so much. 🙂

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4 Responses

  1. I was praising my man on my blog just yesterday and ever since then, I’ve had that famous Salt N Pepa song in my head. Sing with me: ‘Whatta man, whatta man, what a mighty good man…’ 😉 :mrgreen:

  2. Damn you, Bee! Now I’m gonna have that song stuck in my head! 😆

    I guess it could be worse. It could be John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt or something. 😉

  3. So whose picture did he pick??

  4. Um… well… he found a picture off a BBW porn site. *embarassed* For some really strange reason, that’s what he actually thought I meant. *eyeroll* But when I tried to look at the picture objectively, and not focus on the fact that it’s supposed to be porn, I realized that this woman really did look a lot like me. Same coloring, same build… she even had a saggy tummy like I do! (That really threw me for a loop – I didn’t think someone with a body shape like mine could ever possibly even be considered to do porn modeling. EVER.) Her arms and legs seemed to be about the same size as mine, too.

    I just sat there for a minute, too dumbstruck to speak. I really, truly thought that when he looked at me, he saw something completely different to what I saw. I couldn’t grasp the concept that he could see the exact same thing that I see, and like what he sees. Not until I saw that picture, that is.

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