Lend me a hand, will ya?

Okay, here’s the thing.  I was talking to my birth mother last Saturday, and somehow the conversation turned a corner into diet-land.

See, I don’t broadcast my decision to become FA and anti-diet to most people.  I don’t feel quite strong enough in my convictions just yet to do that.  I also feel like I don’t have all the facts and the vocabulary to back up what I’m saying.  I’m convinced that I’m right… I just don’t know how to put it convincingly.  So I don’t bring it up.  However, when the conversation comes up, I speak up to the best of my ability.

That’s what happened.  See, my mom is like me – or should I say, I’m like my mom.  She was always on the heavy side of normal but gained a lot more weight once she had me and my sisters.  That’s precisely what happened to me.  (Although I eventually lost 95% of that weight and am now almost exactly the same weight I was pre-children; just not the same clothing size.)  So she’s spent pretty much all of her adult life overweight.  And now that she’s getting older, she’s starting to have health issues.  She has high blood pressure, depression, diabetes, and a degenerative disk disease that all combine to make her life more difficult.

But here’s the thing.  The high blood pressure?  Inherited. Her mother had it, as does her father.  The diabetes?  Inherited. Guess who has it?  That’s right – both her mother and father.  The depression? Bingo! Inherited. Grandma had it.  Degenerative disk disease?  Mainly the result of a car accident.  But guess what?  Grandma had back problems, too!

So while we were talking, she starts saying that she’s got to lose weight, because she’s so unhealthy, blah, blah, blah.  I saw every post by every concern troll I’ve ever run across since finding FA flash before my eyes.  I said to her, “But Mom… if you did all the things you’re supposed to be doing, like eating right and exercising, and you still don’t lose weight?  You’ll still end up healthier than you would be if you didn’t do those things.”

But her brainwashing got the best of her and she came back with “well, yeah, but I still have to lose weight.  I’m just so unhealthy at this weight.”

Never mind the fact that almost every thing that’s wrong with her is the result of an inherited condition.  Never mind the fact that she’s outlived my stepfather – and he was younger and thinner than she was.  Nope, it’s all the fault of teh fatz.

I tried to reason with her, and while she didn’t get defensive or anything, she just wouldn’t hear me.

So here’s what I need: I need links to blogs or articles directly relating to the topics my mom and I discussed.  I already know how to find Kate Harding’s Don’t You Realize Fat is Unhealthy.  I’m looking for more than just that, though.  I want to be able to compile a list for her and email it to her (ha! can’t argue with an email, now can ya?) and show her that there is an awful lot of information out there that says that it’s not her WEIGHT that’s to blame for her health problems.  I know it’s there, I just don’t know where to find it all.

So if you could leave me a linky-link in the comments and help me with this, I would so totally appreciate it.  She’s my mother; I am the fruit of her loins.  I hate to hear her berating herself and blaming her fat when it isn’t her fat’s fault.  Hell, if anything, Grandma and Grandpa get the blame, because they gave her these problems! 😉


4 Responses

  1. Check out junkfoodscience.blogspot.com, Sandy has a lot of articles there debunking all the news releases and research on how it’s supposedly bad for you to be fat. She does a great job of explaining it all.

  2. Thanks for that, Mariellen. I went over there and looked, and ended up cross-eyed trying to find specific stuff. *sigh* So I ended up just sending her the link to Kate’s piece, and I asked her to read it and every link contained therein. I told her I would be happy to discuss everything with her once she did it, but I really REALLY wanted her to just read it first.

    I’ll post an update if she ever gets back to me on it. I have a feeling she might just ignore me, but I had to at least attempt to do something. I just couldn’t sit there and listen to her talk like that without even TRYING. y’know?

  3. I keep forwarding junkfoodsci’s most relevant posts to my folks, but nothing seems to penetrate… I feel your frustration!
    I was absolutely speechless a couple of wks ago, when I stopped by the parents’ place & DECLINED their offers to feed me! My dad especially seemed frantic for me to EAT SOMETHING; then a week later he’s asking me to jump on another fad diet bandwagon… Eeek!

  4. You know, I think it would be easier for children of parents like that if they were just consistent! It’s the bouncing back and forth between the dieting and the “oh my god you have to eat SOMETHING!” that really does your head in.

    I totally feel you on that one.

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