A Message to Those Surfing in Through Search Engines

Did you use the words “I’m fat and he wants to leave me” and it brought you here?

Or any variation on that theme?

I want to tell you something:

It’s not your fault.

It’s not your fault that he’s a shallow asshat that can’t see what he’s got right in front of him.  It’s not your fault that fat hatred is so prevalent in today’s society that people actually believe the lies that are pushed on us from every angle.  It’s not your fault that today’s media pushes the image of anorexic, starved amazonian women like it’s some sort of sick drug.  And you know what?  It’s not even your fault that you’re fat.  Even if you have issues with comfort eating or a binge eating disorder, it’s still not your fault.  Because even those things are caused by deeper, more elusive things than you simply wanting to eat.  I’m not saying you have an excuse; I’m saying that no one — NOBODY — makes themselves fat.  You either are or you aren’t.  It’s as simple as that. And no amount of dieting in the world is going to magically make you thin, either.

People come in all shapes and sizes.  People come in all colors and various subtle shades of colors.  Diversity is a good thing, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.  There is no one-size-fits-all model to fit every single person on the planet.  That’s stupid talk, and you know it.

Don’t let anybody talk you into hating yourself.  Not even him.  Because if he really loved you — if he EVER loved you — he wouldn’t say things like that.  He wouldn’t threaten to leave you if you don’t lose weight.  He wouldn’t withold sex from you because you’ve gained weight.  He would build you up, not tear you down.

And honey?  If you were already fat when you met and he’s pulling this shit?  Then you need to introduce him to the clue-by-four.  If you were good enough for him when you first met, you’re good enough for him now.

The question is, is he good enough for you?

Don’t you deserve someone who cares about more than simply the way you look?  Don’t you deserve someone who will accept you no matter what?  Don’t you deserve someone who will say that they love you and then act like it?  Don’t you deserve someone who will treat you with kindness and compassion?  Don’t you deserve someone who will support you and encourage you?

Yes. You. Do.

Because it sums up what I’m trying to do here, I’d like to leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, V for Vendetta:

I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.


3 Responses

  1. Great post — it’s still good to see it validated in black-and-white by someone who ISN’T a family member, however 😉 !

  2. That’s right, dammit.

  3. Hell, yes! It only took me two husbands to figure out all of this. (Although most of the issues were not fat, but similar issues and thought processes)

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