The self-perpetuating fatness theory.

I had to go into town today to do some shopping, and I decided to walk.  What better way to get my exercise for the day in, especially when I knew I’d be there for quite some time?  🙂

While walking there, I started thinking.  And I came to some revelations… I think.

I haven’t changed anything about the way I eat whatsoever.  I’ve always tried to eat healthy; or at least as healthy as my budget will allow.  But for some reason, I seem to be shrinking.

I mentioned a few posts back that my stomach seems to be shrinking, even though I haven’t lost any actual weight.  And last night Hubby was looking at me and said that not only does my stomach seem to have shrunk even more, my legs seem to be shrinking, too.

Now, knowing that I haven’t changed my eating habits any made that quite a surprise.  And yes, I have been exercising, but I’d been trying to exercise more for a while before I even learned about this whole Fat Acceptance movement and it led me to decide never to diet again.  (And made me decide to at least try to start accepting myself as I am without thinking I had to change myself [which in turn meant lose weight] every minute of every day.)

So the only thing that has changed at all in the last few months is me trying to exercise more.  But for some reason, I seem to be shrinking.

And it got me wondering: why is this happening now?  Why, when I’ve tried to lose weight so many times before, am I suddenly shrinking without even trying to?

That’s when it hit me.  The one thing I’ve tried to let go of is my self-hate.  That’s the ONLY thing I’ve really tried to change.  The exercise thing is part of my trying to love myself: my body needs exercise.  Every BODY needs exercise.  And when I stopped viewing exercise as a means to an end (losing weight), it suddenly occurred to me that exercise CAN be fun, and I sought out ways of having fun exercise (I should add here that the bellydancing DVD’s that I bought are GREAT fun, and a LOT of exercise!!  I was noticably sore after doing it for the first time, and surprised at just how difficult it really is).

So then I started to wonder: maybe it was my self-hate that was keeping me this fat? 

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting that letting go of my self-hate is going to slim me down to a size 6 or something.  What I am suggesting is that maybe – just maybe – I was never going to be able to make any visible changes unless I started trying to make some invisible changes (internal; changes nobody but me is ever going to notice).  Maybe making the internal changes – the changes to my thinking and my outlook – were the only changes I really needed to make. 

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3 Responses

  1. Bodies are strange and fascinating things. I find that when my body is left to its own devices, it will fluctuate with the seasons – a bit heavier in winter, a bit lighter in summer. Sometimes it flips around and is the opposite, but it always hovers around the same point.

    Whether or not it has any impact on your weight/size/shape, letting go of self-hate is an incredibly wonderful and necessary step to getting closer to mind/body health. Brava. 😀

  2. Self-hate weighs a lot. 🙂

  3. That was a great comment from Phledge. And can I just say that I am incredibly inspired by your journey? And also that I keep seeing your comments on the fatosphere and am endlessly amused. Congrats on ALL of it so far, and keep being fabulous.

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