I know… I’m fat because I’m married!!! Yeah, that’s my new excuse….

I commented on this particular story both here and here.

I really liked Callicebus’s response:

I love how they parade this out as “news” every couple of years. I remember seeing a dateline special on this back in highschool (8 years ago or so). I remember specifically because I looked at my mom and said “See? Fat people do get married and some of them probably have sex” and got slapped across the face…

I was way out of high school by then, but I remember that particular special myself.  And the one before that.  And I probably saw the one before that, too.

What gets me is that putting out news stories like this – and especially in the way this particular one was worded (i.e. men “gain” weight while women “pack on” the pounds) is just going to reinforce the idea in some people that “nobody loves a fat person.”  Because if it’s “news,” that means it’s a big deal, right?

As I said in my comment on Shapely Prose, I gained 30 lbs. after my husband flew from the UK to the US to be with me (we met on zee internets).  He arrived with $1,500 in his pocket and spent almost every single dime on me, taking me out every single day and sometimes even twice a day.  Who the hell wouldn’t gain weight doing that?

And as much as I wish I could say it didn’t bother me, it did.  I was already a big fat cow (my words, NOT his), and here I was gaining weight.  Why would he even want to be seen with me, let alone actually still want to marry me?  The thought scared me so much, we ended up getting into a huge fight the night before our wedding, where I actually threw my engagement ring back at him.  But the next morning, bright and early, he was waking me up with a kiss and reminding me that we were getting married that day.  He was… dare I admit it… excited?!?!

But WHY should this be news?  My grandmother gained weight after marrying my grandfather (it took like 20 years or something, but she DID gain weight).  My great-grandmother gained weight after marrying my great-grandfather.  My mother gained weight after marrying my father, and then again after marrying my step-father.  Did it make a difference in the quality of their lives?  Nope.  Did it factor in in any of the divorces of those couples?  NO!!!  My grandparents got divorced because my grandfather was a selfish, self-centered chauvanistic man.  My parents got divorced because my father is an alcoholic, drug-addicted pedophile.  (My stepfather, I have to say, is practically an angel compared to him, thank god!)  None of it had anything to do with weight.

Even in my own past relationships, I have to admit that my weight never really factored in on the relationship itself.  Yes, it affected ME and my OWN mental health – a LOT.  But not one of my exes ever said “I’m leaving you because you’re fat.”  NOT ONE.  (And there were a lot of them – not to toot my own horn or anything.  It’s just the truth.)

The more I read about this, the more disgusted I am with society.  But at the same time, it makes me feel a little bit better about myself.  I’m learning that while I AM fat, yes, BEING fat doesn’t make me less of a person – and for 31 years I honestly believed it did.

I’m still struggling.  Just yesterday I made a comment to Hubby that sent him over the edge, causing a big argument, and it all centered around my weight and my body-image.  But I’m making progress, and that’s really all I can ask of myself.

I just wish society as a whole would get their self-righteous heads out of their asses and make some progress WITH me.


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